Breaking the Stigma!!
One of the hardest things for most people to admit is when they truly believe their not in their right minds. And as hard as it is for most, it can be virtually impossible for “Christians”, even more so for “Ministers in Training”. Well, it’s just not right…….so here we go…
Yes, I am an unapologetic Christian who loves the Lord with all my heart; I believe that the Lord has called me to declare His truth to the masses; and I suffer from extreme bouts of depression and anxiety!!
Furthermore, I believe that this “thorn in my flesh” is there for a greater purpose.
Those in the ministry spend almost as much time trying to find the key to reaching individuals as they do perfecting their knowledge of the message God has given them. We all find that there are things in our personality that draw certain people to us. We are able to reach them because we can relate to their issues, their concerns or their perceived shortcomings. That is where I believe my illness comes into work; and yes, I said illness….a condition requiring medicinal control and constant monitoring.
You may be wondering what my purpose is for posting this, and I’d have to admit that it isn’t completely clear to me, however, as I have been plagued by the necessity to write this post for more than a week now, and I believe that my current round of insomnia and nightmare filled nights are a direct result of putting it off, I’m posting this for whomever it is suppose to reach.
Yes, you may struggle with doubt, depression and anxiety, but that is your illness, not who you are. God created you for purpose and that purpose is not based on your strengths or weaknesses, but on your ability to walk out on His word for your life. My favorite scripture is Philippians 1:6, which reads “Being confident of this very thing, that HE which hath begun a good work in YOU will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” KJV
There is no shame in admitting you’re less than, we all are in different ways, but never give up…… Get medical help AND spiritual help and you’ll make it through, just like I do.
Loving you in the real,
InPraize
Insanity…… You Get It From Your Children!!
Anyone who has known me for an extended length of time knows that I frequently refer to my son, Justin, as my “comic relief” child. While his birth was an initial course in Trauma 101, once we cleared that hurdle, he was off and running just to the left of “a little strange”. I clearly remember holding him up to the window of our hospital room and just talking to him, when a group of birds flew a little too close to the window, scaring the crap out of me (I don’t like groups of birds anywhere near me). I jumped a little and let out a little scream and I could swear Justin started laughing. Of course, this started me laughing and he’s been doing it every since.
Another instance of Justin keeping me laughing comes from when he was about 5 or 6 years old. We were taking a drive somewhere and the car had become very quiet. All of the sudden, Justin says, “I wonder what my spirit is doing right now.” The car immediately erupted in laughter and I was forced to come up with a serious and relevant answer quickly because we realized that Justin was the only one that didn’t think what he’d said was funny.
Justin also had a unique way of interpreting things that were said to him when he was younger. I remember sitting across from him at the breakfast table one morning, when Ron (my husband) had decided that Justin had played in his food long enough. Ron’s instructions to Justin were clear, “Roll your sausage in your pancake and finish eating Justin.” However, Justin’s interpretation was hilarious. Justin proceeded to take his fork and roll his sausage across the top of his pancake. Needless to say, more laughter and breakfast was over.
I have to admit that I don’t always value Justin’s unique sense of humor because he uses it to defuse tense situations; and he uses it quite effectively. However, as I am maturing in the spirit, I value the lessons that he has taught me about not taking everything too seriously.
So today is dedicated to Justin, my “comic relief” child who blesses my days with love and laughter (and good food…. the boy can throw down ya’ll!! And he starts Culinary School in January!!)!!
Looking at Things in a Different Way
Once again, it is in the wee hours of the morning, and I find myself wide awoke. Whether its the Prednisone, the sleep apnea or the overactive bladder, it really doesn’t matter why I’m up, just that I’m up.
This time, it’s a little different, though, I realize that while this happens frequently, I typically waste this precious time aimlessly wandering the net doing nothing productive for myself, my family, my walk with God, my businesses, just plain wasting time. Well, not today. I am proud to say that I have been utilizing this time getting stuff done. Yes, I’m all over the place with what I’m doing (writing this post, putting up ads for tax season on Facebook and Twitter, making a grocery list, looking for a bargain on a much needed deep freezer, and yes, even looking for a few “girlie” deals), but nevertheless, the time is productive and will add value to my daily life.
I guess you can probably tell by the beginning of this post that I have a BIG PROBLEM WITH PROCRASTINATION and MOTIVATION. I have been gifted with many talents, but over the years I have let illness and weakness and fear keep me from activating and accessing those talents for any tangible purpose.
The last couple of years, since losing my mother in May ’09, I have had mini bouts of productivity, but they have not been what they should and have not been previously sustainable. THIS HAS TO CHANGE!!…. and it starts with a commitment.
A total commitment is paramount to reaching the ultimate in performance.
~Tom Flores
So my commitment to this blog (and its connected YT channel located at http://www.youtube.com/user/inpraize) is that I will either upload a blog post or video at least twice each week during 2012. I am trying to develop ideas for post/video topics that will interest many and welcome all suggestions. However, I suggest that you allow me to post in January and view them so that you can get a taste of my “flow” and determine if it melds with yours.
Looking forward to getting to know you (and me) better in 2012!!
Leaping off the edge into the darkness, because I know that HE is waiting there to guide me!!
~ Forever InPraize
Sleep Deprivation is a Dangerous Thing!!!
Once again, I am sitting here unable to go to sleep and wondering how long this will last. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I chose this particular time to decide to create a blog post, but hey, who knows what tidbits of wisdom might come out of this.
As I start to think about this year and how it’s gone, I’m noticing that I’ve changed a lot. I’ve learned to let some things go and I’ve learned to be honest, not only with others, but with myself. Now I find myself looking eagerly towards 2012.
I am excited about the changes that are about to take place for my family, my businesses, and my spiritual life. Some of the changes make me nervous, but it’s funny, I’ve spent the better part of the last eight years feeling little more that desperation and dispair, so excitement is feeling really good right about now.
For the record, starting January 1st, the following businesses are back in full effect…. MOTOR CITY BALLOONATICS/DESIGNER TOUCH EVENTS….. offering the very best in wedding and event planning and decorating services (http://www.motorcityballoonatics.com – under construction); THE KEEPER OF THE BOOKS….. offering professional administrative clerical, bookkeeping and income tax prepartion services, now featuring the SNAP*LOAN (in coopration with Santa Barbara Bank & Trust).
I am also excited (although I probably look more like a deer caught in the headlights) about this new chapter in my walk with the Lord. It’s funny, someone accused me of running from my destiny for more than 15 years, and for the first time in my life, I had to admit that they were right. I heard the call, heard it clearly, but I ran in the other direction as fast as my feet would carry me. But the best part about it is, A DELAYED DESTINY, IS NOT A CANCELED DESTINY!!….. I’m glad that I finally have the courage to step up to the plate and be what God planned for me to be. I have a testimony and it’s one that can be a blessing to others…. wow…. you could blow me over with a church fan right about now, but it feels good to say it.
My hobby channel (http://www.nutz4beauty.info and/or http://www.youtube.com/user/nutz4beauty) has been just as neglected as this blog and my vlog channel (http://www.youtube.com/user/inpraize), BUT NOT IN 2012.
I still have to setup a blog for both businesses, but I believe that I have been given a divinely organized plan to accomplish everything that God has placed on my mind and heart. I had to learn to stop running from the ideas He kept giving me because if He’s giving them to me, then He’s going to make certain that they come to pass because He knows what He’s doing.
Well, I’m getting a little tired of typing and I think my brain may have shut off about 5 minutes ago (lol), but there is one last declaration that must be made before this blog goes any further…. I DON’T CARE HOW IT HAPPENS…… I’m determined to lose 45% of the ME that I currently carry around everyday. Not certain how I’m going to do it, but with prayer and a keen knack for researching the crap out of a topic, I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT ONCE AND FOR ALL …. my goal is to leave out of my house and walk about the block with my husband.
Well, that’s about all I can think to say in this post… hopefully, I’ll get more interesting as the days go by.
Stay Saved, Stay Sincere and Stay Connected!!!
~ InPraize
Follow Me on a Journey……
Hello everyone,
My name is Stephanie and I’m going on a journey.
